The Treasure my Mum gave me.

I thought about my Mum a lot today. She really has been such an amazing Mother. She always made me feel so loved and believed in with her big warm affirming smile. She is so many things that I admire and hope to be like. 

There were times as a kid that I wished my Mum would be more like the typical ‘normal’ mum so I could blend in and be a ‘normal’ kid. My Mum never let me just go along with the crowd. I remember being embarrassed unwrapping my whole meal sandwich at lunchtime when everyone else had white bread. I wanted roll-ups, donuts and twisties instead of homemade oatmeal biscuits. I longed to have a cabbage patch doll and just to be like all the other girls in my class. Whenever I asked my mum about the new school trend, she would respond with answers like, ‘darling, it’s a silly toy, you don’t need that’, or, ‘darling, it’s junk food, it’s not good for your health’. I suppose at the time I felt a little deprived, I mean, let a kid have a donut! Haha. But now I’m so grateful for the treasure that mum gave me. 

I’m so glad that my Mum taught me to think for myself instead of marching along with the crowd. I’m so glad she made me see that I need to make decisions for myself about what I believe and how I do things. I can see that she put me on the track of actively searching out what I personally believe about everything, and I love it. I especially love it in relation to searching out who God is for myself. I love that I know not to put my brain into someone else’s hands. God is my teacher! He gave me a good mind to reason things with. He is with me to guide my thoughts. He doesn’t ask us to blindly follow or believe. He wants us to question, search and think for ourselves. God is love and will never manipulate or control us.  

I think it’s funny that in basically every institution there is pressure to conform. Even in churches, leaders are afraid of people thinking for themselves because maybe they will come to different conclusions. Sometimes in church we are told what to believe and think and are rejected if we don’t fully agree with the creed. I don’t believe that God is afraid of our questions. I believe He desires it because it’s the only way we really learn. I don’t believe He is afraid that we will make mistakes and come to wrong conclusions, just as long as we remain humble and keep seeking and asking Him to lead us into truth. I know that I have come to heaps of wrong conclusions, but God is patient and faithful and continually leads me to truth that makes me free. I love the verse that says, “do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 2:2). Living by this is such a blessing to me. I love choosing to release myself from conforming to the social norms around me, and being in control of what I believe in and how I live my life. I also love that not even God asks me to conform but He desires for me to be transformed. He desires that I will search and find that He loves me and that His way is life and freedom; and then love and follow Him because that is what I want and choose. 

A Growing Life

Lots of things spinning around my head. What to write about today. Well, I guess I’ve been thinking a lot about this growing life trying to make room for itself in my belly! I am 23 weeks pregnant. It’s so surreal. I have so many emotions. One is, what’s happening to me? Another is a feeling of warmth, affection and protection for someone I don’t know yet, but has come from Jason and I... so crazy and amazing! I love this person inside me. I also feel sad to bring it into this world. I want to be a good mother. I want to prepare it and help it to become strong and kind and loving. I want it to know God and trust in Him. Most of the time, to be honest, I’m caught up in normal day stuff and I don’t feel like there really is a baby inside and I take it all for granted; but I love when I just stop to feel it move and recognize the beautiful miracle that is taking place.

Already this experience is helping me to see how much deeper God’s love is for me than I dare to think or comprehend. I woke up in the middle of last night and looked out the window at the stars. I put my hand on my belly and could feel it move. As I lay there I also felt as though I could feel it’s soul and it melted me. I felt deep love and connectedness to it. I imagined that this world was originally like Gods womb...maybe a weird thought. We are all in Gods womb(love) who provides everything to sustain, nurture and protect our life. I felt as though I understood God’s feeling of connectedness, protectiveness and nurturing, adoring love for us a bit more. If we as humans can taste this kind of love, than I know that God’s love is a love that aches and yearns; a love that desperately wants to provide, nurture and protect us. I know that God really is the lover of my soul...of every soul. He knows, connects with and feels our soul. I think that’s why he said, whatever you do to the least of these, you do to me. I want to remember this for myself and for others. Having this taste of the way God loves me as His child makes me respect myself more. It makes me feel truly precious. It makes me want to make good decisions for His sake, because I don’t want to hurt Him by hurting myself. I want to look at others and see someone that is incredibly precious to God...who’s soul God deeply loves, feels and is connected to. I‘m grateful to be able to experience this. What a beautiful way for God to help us to know His love for us.