Lots of things spinning around my head. What to write about today. Well, I guess I’ve been thinking a lot about this growing life trying to make room for itself in my belly! I am 23 weeks pregnant. It’s so surreal. I have so many emotions. One is, what’s happening to me? Another is a feeling of warmth, affection and protection for someone I don’t know yet, but has come from Jason and I... so crazy and amazing! I love this person inside me. I also feel sad to bring it into this world. I want to be a good mother. I want to prepare it and help it to become strong and kind and loving. I want it to know God and trust in Him. Most of the time, to be honest, I’m caught up in normal day stuff and I don’t feel like there really is a baby inside and I take it all for granted; but I love when I just stop to feel it move and recognize the beautiful miracle that is taking place.
Already this experience is helping me to see how much deeper God’s love is for me than I dare to think or comprehend. I woke up in the middle of last night and looked out the window at the stars. I put my hand on my belly and could feel it move. As I lay there I also felt as though I could feel it’s soul and it melted me. I felt deep love and connectedness to it. I imagined that this world was originally like Gods womb...maybe a weird thought. We are all in Gods womb(love) who provides everything to sustain, nurture and protect our life. I felt as though I understood God’s feeling of connectedness, protectiveness and nurturing, adoring love for us a bit more. If we as humans can taste this kind of love, than I know that God’s love is a love that aches and yearns; a love that desperately wants to provide, nurture and protect us. I know that God really is the lover of my soul...of every soul. He knows, connects with and feels our soul. I think that’s why he said, whatever you do to the least of these, you do to me. I want to remember this for myself and for others. Having this taste of the way God loves me as His child makes me respect myself more. It makes me feel truly precious. It makes me want to make good decisions for His sake, because I don’t want to hurt Him by hurting myself. I want to look at others and see someone that is incredibly precious to God...who’s soul God deeply loves, feels and is connected to. I‘m grateful to be able to experience this. What a beautiful way for God to help us to know His love for us.